world autism awareness day

wearing our blue in honor of world autism awareness day

in honor of world autism awareness day, mommy & i got together on this post because we feel it's an very important topic! so it's going to get a bit wordy, but if you know mommy & i you should expext that. four and a half years ago our lil livia was born & i'll always remember the 1st time i saw her. i didn't know babies came that small, she was the itty bittiest thing i'd ever seen. from the minute mommy was pregnant with livi there were lots & lots of scary times. the entire time she was inside of mommy she fought to live, that's why her name is livia because we wanted live to be part of her name. since she's been born there have been a lot more scary moments & things we've never understood happening. she's had more procedures than most people i know & we keep on trucking until something else comes up & it's time for another one.

being so brave before a procedure

we always knew livi was special, but the older she got the more things we noticed seemed different. she struggled with eating, bowel movements, communicating, separating from mommy, making friends or being social, being terrified it seemed of everything, textures, nightmares, even leaving the house, new things, loud noises were the worst & the list went on. as time went on things were getting worse & finally mommy knew that she had to stand up for her & get help. we started seeing a new pediatrician (who we love) & she really helped mommy & daddy break ground on where to start. livi was screened for autism & they said she registered on the spectrum, but the very high functioning side. she's been diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder, severe anxiety disorder, food aversion & sensory integration disorder. so it's really hard to say what is autism or if it is all of the other things, it's really confusing because they all overlap. for the last year livi has been on a waiting list to be evaluated at TCH's meyer center that specializes in autism.  we've been working on helping get her anxiety better controlled before she is put through the long official autism test if it's still needed or wanted at the time. but that hasn't stopped mommy from trying to get as much help for livi as she could. we've got her in play therapy & occupational therapy twice every week with the most awesome therapists. she has a very nice psychiatrist she sees every 4 weeks that's helping her with medications to work with her severe anxiety. we got our sweet sadie for emotional therapy for all of us. sadie has brought out expressions of love & playfulness we didn't know livi had. she's in pre-k everyday & she's doing so much better than we thought she ever would. there have been a few times when mommy has had to go get her early because something has triggered her anxiety & they couldn't calm her down. on the good side her teachers always get emotional with mommy when livi has tackled something she's been struggling with because they're so proud of her. we were told by one doctor that she would never be able to attend school because of her disabilities, that's why we got a new doctor. in the last year livi has come so far, she amazes us on a daily basis. she's talking more to anyone who will sit with her & listen, she wants to be brave, she's making friends, she wants to try new things even though she may not go through with it she wants to. i'm not going to lie, there have been many days that i wished i could have a sister that would hug me, talk to me, love on me, play what i want to play, be like a regular sister. sometimes i cry because i don't know what to say or do or how to help, it seems like everything i do is wrong at times. sometimes i get mad at things we can't do because livi is so scared like flying somewhere on an airplane or going to certain fun places.

me trying to protect her from a lawnmower at the park a few weeks ago

i've had kids at school tell me they don't like my sister because she's weird & doesn't talk. i was even asked not to bring her to a friend's birthday party once, but she's my sister & i stand by her no matter what. i even started going to play therapy too so i had someone i could talk to about my struggles with livi & i get helpful ways in how to handle things. i will always try to do what's best for her because she didn't ask for this & everyone deserves to be treated fairly & loved unconditionally! i feel like we are always making excuses for livi so people understand her & instead i wish they would just accept her for who she is. i want everyone to know that she is the sweetest, kindest, light up a room when she smiles, God loving, wrapped around your finger, silly, scared, goofy, loves to sing at high volumes especially in the shower, smartest, cowboy boots wearing, will be an amazing chef one day, almost 30 lbs, wildest bed head, dinosaur loving, pediasure drinking, way to big of a vocabulary for a 4yr old, fedora wearing, splashing in puddles till the water is gone, everything is black or white, bacon all day eating, heart of gold, best giggle you ever heard, BRAVE, has an imagination that never stops, cuddly on her terms, library & park loving, would never ever hurt you on purpose, has to do her own hair, memorizes a book after hearing it read to her only once, helps me with my homework, jumping in bouncy houses, strong, can never have enough m&m's or kit kats, hates to brush her teeth, iPhone obsessed, eye rolling, loves helping mommy take care of babies at work, you may not hear but she almost always whispers "hi" to you because she knows everyone, memory of an elephant, wishes she could talk to you, biggest giada fan ever, stubborn, if she can she will always help you, has the most important job of feeding the sweet puppy that she takes very seriously, still can not sleep without mommy, loves jumping from high things, will give you the sweetest kiss when you least expect it, if she has something she'll make sure you have one to, even though she's terrified she'll try her hardest to do what she's asked like singing on stage for a school program or going to the bathroom by herself, sassy, rocky road ice cream with no nuts or marshmallow eating, still really scared of loud noises, tells you like it is no matter if you wanted to hear it or not, fierce, bubble bath taking, good medicine taking, beautiful, spirited, guitar playing, best reminderer i know, music loving, an awesome colorer , blue loving, superhero, creates some funky cool choreography, loves spring because she doesn't have to wear a coat anymore, would live at the beach if she could, she's a hipster, thinks taylor swift is the best singer ever, hearts are her favorite thing because they remind her of love, band aides make everything better, unique little girl! our church has this awesome saying that goes "no perfect people allowed" & i love that because God made us just the way he wanted us to be & He did not put us here to be ordinary. please remember we rise by lifting others & never ever give up on anyone because miracles happen everyday! so light it up blue this month in support of autism awareness & look at autism with your heart because your eyes might miss something!

livi with her friends